Brave

I am so thankful that my kids are braver then I ever was at their age. I was in a dance class for some of my younger years but after that not so much. I was very insecure and shy about any stage performance things. 

Tonight though, my younger kids did so great volunteering for things on stage. We went to a pirate show and Caden got to go on stage and be sworn in as a pirate. (Note the stylish boy in the blue shirt and vest) 

Later on they asked both Caden and ava to come help them and they both said yes. I would have said no and no and no again. 

They got to wear super cute solider outfits and help defeat the dragon! 

I am trying to encourage them to do things instead of transferring my stage fright on them. I am also trying to conquer my fear as well. 

They did so good and of course were the cutest soldiers up there. 

I am so thankful that I can see some of my faults and I am working on my kids being who God made them to be, not made into something I accidentally make them into. I am thankful I have placed my kids life and up-bringing into God's hands and not my own. His ways are so much better then my own.  

Today they became pirates and defeated dragons, tomorrow....maybe the world. 

 

I never planned on 5 kids.

I am not much a planner. I sort of live in the moment, a here and now gal. I was not the child who had her wedding planned out or even a clue what she would be when she grew up. I took each day as it was and moved on to the next day never carrying anything over. 

If you have been reading my blog you have heard my story of some of my babies. The thing is, the only pregnancy we planned was Rena's and Caden, every other one was a wonderful surprise. I LOVE surprises. 

I am so thankful for my 5 amazing kids. They are so much fun. Gabi is a blast. I truly enjoy hanging out with her and talking about the day. She is a lot like me and lives in each moment. She is kind and giving. She a goof and full of confidence. She has an awesome moral compass and makes wise decisions.  

Caleb has the quickest comeback remarks that are so funny. He is shy but hilarious with those that get to know him. He is amazing at doing impersonations and can mimic many voices. Not many people get to see that side of him.  I wish I saw more. He is always so smart. He takes after his father with that. 

Kori is the most creative child I have. She can come up with the best ideas for games and her toys. She has a number of times come up with super fun ideas for carnivals for us to play. She also can easily get stuck in a pattern of life. Textures, habitis, and taste can be a big challenge when it gets changed from what she is used to. This is a huge pain but can be helpful being that it is simple once we find the right things she likes. Getting to the point is painful though.

Caden is a great cuddler and has the sweetest kisses ever. He is very passionate about everything he does. This is good. This is bad. He is all or nothing and gives nothing half way. He is an amazing reader and loves learning. He has a new kick with wanting to have his hair styled and wants to wear a tie and vest all the time.

Miss ava the baby. She is the icing to the cake. She is kind and respectful and teachable. She does not like arguments and wants peace. Like Gabi and my self, she is a in the moment gal also. I have said that everything I have tried to teach the other 4 kids has morphed its self into the one perfect child. We call her the fifth and final Turney.

I am so so so thankful for my kids. They make life fun, exciting, adventurous, difficult, streasful, and amazing. They cause you to grow, learn, pray, cry, laugh, and love more then you ever thought possible. I cannot imagine life without them and I thank God often for the surprises. 

Technology.

I love who ever came with the idea of FaceTime on phones!! That is what I am thankful for. It is short and sweet but I miss my two oldest and being about to chat with them and see their sweet faces has been so wonderful. Today Gabi was able to show me different things at my mom's house and I was able to say have to lots of relatives. At my dads house she was able to do a walk through of his new place. 

Being in the same place is my favorite option but FaceTimeing each other is an awesome second best! 

Do you have a favorite person you love FaceTimeing? 

Third generation twins.

This is my amazing son Caden. I love him so much. 

He is a surviving twin.  

I posted the other day about my first heavenly baby, Rena. Eight months after giving birth to her I found out I was pregnant with twins. 

This was such a wonderful feeling. He would be third generation twins and such a gift after the loss less then a year ago. 

Even before I found out it was twins I knew it was. Everything was different about this pregnancy, all symptoms were more intense so when I found out I was carrying two babies I was thrilled. 

I was able to carry both twins into the 4th month. We knew from the last loss that I had thick blood and we were keeping an eye on it. I was supposed to start on blood thinners at 14 weeks but after getting an ultrasound after a car wreck I found out I had placenta previa. We did see that both babies were doing awesome. About three weeks after that we went in for a check up and found out the baby A had passed away. I was heart broken. I have said most of my life that I would have twins and to get them and have them now gone hurt so much. I could not understand how this could happen twice. 

Once you are into your second trimester and you lose one of the twins you don't actually miscarry it, you just continue carrying them both and and the dead twin will just get smaller and smaller and be absorbed. So I was able to continue the remainder of my pregnancy with only a few hiccups along the way. 

My due date was December 26 but with blood thinners you can't go into labor on your own, it has to be in a controlled environment. We also knew that Caden was going to be very tiny. He was being born about a month early but he was also measuring a month smaller then his due date. The drs were concerned that because of his size his lungs might not be developed or he may not be able to eat. 

I was able to deliver him naturally and he came out so tiny and sooo healthy! His lungs were perfect and he was my best nurser. His weight was a sweet doll size of 4lbs 10 oz.

We wanted a name for our baby that had a powerful meaning so we chose the name Caden because it means fighter.

I don't want my post to be such depressing post and always be such strange, dramatic post but they are a HUGE part of who I am today and why I am so thankful. So here is my thankful part of this post, when we left the hospital I was so beyond thankful, grateful, and blessed to be able to leave the hospital with a baby in my arms. I did not have two babies but I was thankful that my arms were not empty like the last time less then 18 months ago. I am so thankful for all the Caden is. He is funny, the best cuddler, all boy, loud, gentle, and creative. He is the perfect add in to our family. He is aware of his twin and knows that one day they will get to play. We never got to see if the baby was a girl or boy so since the baby was Baby A we went with a gender natural name of Aiden. 

I am also so thankful for the promise of Heaven. 

Do you have a voice?

               

I will start off with the thankful part. I am so thankful for my voice. Now I can't sing worth a lick so it has nothing to do with that and it has nothing to do with actual words that come out of my mouth, it is more about my actions and my words, together, being my voice. 

I talk a lot and anyone who knows me will agree that I can carry and sometimes lead and take over a conversation but even with those "skills" it still doesn't mean someone has a voice. 

Part of my personality is being non-conformational, I do not like strife and will avoid an argument like the plague. This is a big problem when in a situation where the other personalities are bold, pushy, and loud. 

As I grow and mature more as an adult I am slowly finding my voice. As I grow in my walk with God I am finding my voice. 

I believe at any age we can lose and find our voice. A child can be abused and lose their voice and replace it with a lock of fear. An adult can be threatened or stalked or verbally beaten down and their voice is snatched away. It may sometimes be an actual decision to not speak with our words or our actions because it is not worth the fight or we may not feel we are "worth" the fight. 

For me I was not abused, I grew up in an awesome home with loving parents. For me it was more about keeping the peace in all situations, not cause friction and because of that I did not practice using my voice and there for lost it. I did not have it when it came to boys, I did not have it when it came to drugs. I went with what the bigger personalities wanted  because I was not wanting to be odd or left out. I did not have a voice when it came to my own inner struggles with walking a pure life. I could hear my self screaming to change paths but was stuck in a cycle. I could not pull my self out and did not have the skills to break free. As cliche as it may sound, it was not until I had a personal relationship with Jesus that those chains broke, until that path had a new lane that I could see. 

I knew God but that is not what I am talking about either, it is a whatever you want, change me, lead me, and make me new, walk with Jesus. 

I now have a voice, it is a small one and like a rock thrown in a pool of water, sometimes it makes a big ripple and other times it falls flat. I am so thankful that I am changing and growing each day to be better, to be kinder, to be louder with my voice, to sometimes be the leader of a pack who makes right decisions. 

This is a poem I wrote years ago. It fits well with this post I believe. 

Value Found 

Two simple letters that made up a word I could not say.

Yes, was just easier- No- seemed to get stuck, there was just no.....way.

No way to express that this was not what I wanted to do.

A way to express..................

to begin I had no clue.

To say no to the boy who kissed and touched on the 1st date.

Outside I went with it but inside was screaming JUST WAIT

To say no to the boy who used me as a trophy and for sex.

I knew this, yet stayed when he would cheat and go on to who's next.

Sick with regret and my inability to stand tall.

Always stuck in a situation with my back against a wall.

How did I get here with this incapableness to speak.

Was it lessons never learned, the divorce, or was I just weak?

Brought up with morals so I knew the rules.

Yet, I seemed to be always blown by the wind, always acting a fool.



Years later in life I have realized the cause.

It was my eyes-------they were broken and that made me pause.

l was seeing no value, like my words do not count.

I was like an old shirt you get paint on or trash you throw out.

I was seeing ME through my eyes and I saw a lack of worth.

I did not yet know that I was a child of God, through a new birth.

When you know the value of a jewel or a famous piece of art,

you would cherish it, keep it safe, and hold it near your heart.

See..my eyes were broken so I traded them in.

I now use the Lords Word and I see value with in.

By charlene turney
oct 3 2008

Do you have a voice that is lost or stolen or do you have one that is there but it is quite and you want it to be bold and loud? 

A 10lb what???!!!

Hindsight, I would say that this started sometime around the age of 15. What am I talking about you ask? The time that I found out I had a 10 lb ovarian cyst. Crazy right?! My 5 kids never weighed that much but a cyst did. 

I remember being between the age of 15-19 and always feeling kind of pouchie. We lived near the gulf and we had lots of relatives who had pool so we went swimming a lot. I was always very self conscious about having a little bit of a stomach. I was told that if I would stop picking things up with my toes that I might not have the pooch. I still pick things up with my toes. I blame it on having back pain since I fell 15 ft out of a tree when I was 13 but that is a whole nother story. 

When I was 19 I was living out on my own with my twin and in a span of 2 months I had 2 people ask me if I was pregnant. I was not but was very embarrassed by the question and the fact that I did kind of look like it. 

At the time I was working closing at Taco Bell ( still my favorite fast food restaurant) and while shutting down the front I was having pain in my side while sweeping and mopping. 

I went into a walking in clinic and they told me I was 5 months preg but they couldn't find a heart beat. I was at the time in a relationship and thought maybe I was preg and the baby had died and that was what was hurting. They did a urine test then followed up with a blood test and both come back negative that I was not pregnant and had not been. 

The walk in clinic sent me to an actual obgyn bc they were at a lost. That dr did an ultrasound and was shocked at what he found. He told me I had a huge cyst and how in the world did I not know about it. I of course, had no answers for him. This was a Thursday and we set up an appt for surgery asap. He said the only other one he has seen that was bigger then mine was in a woman who was over 200lbs and she had a 40 lb one. 

With the surgery I had no ovary, it was no where to be found, and lost one of my Fallopian tubes. ( you have one on each side and an ovary on each side for this that don't know) I was told that it might be very hard to ever have kids. 

Fast forward a year and Jerry and I are dating. For some reason he tells his mom my story ( we were not dating at the time of the cyst)  and his mom was not comfortable with us getting married because she wanted grandkids and was not sure If I could have any babies. 

Jerry and I did not have a relationship with accountability and did not set boundaries and we got preg with our amazing daughter Gabrielle. Now having a relationship with Jesus, I would have loved to of waited for our wedding day to be together but though that God used it and Jerrys mother gave her approval for us to get married. I could have kids. 

Despite the one ovary I have gotten preg with zero trouble at all. 

So my thankfulness goes to God for using amazing ways to bring glory. His will is for us to wait but He takes our decisions good or bad and when we allow him to, it can be made into amazingness. 

I am thankful for God giving us two ovaries lol. I am thankful for my 5 earthly babies and that I have two I get to see when I am in heaven. 

I am thankful my mother law approved of me. I am pretty sure I surpassed her amount of grandkids she dreamed of. 

I am thankful for a husband who has loved me though all of my health problems. 

I am thankful for my amazing kids God has blessed me with.

 I wouldn't change my story for anything.

 It is mine and it is amazing.  What about your story are you thankful for? 

My first heavenly child....

Today marks 10 years ago that I gave birth to my first heavenly baby. My first three pregnancy went perfect. The full 9 months was great and the births were awesome. This one started off the same. I didn't really have any sickness and energy was to be as expected with three little ones already running around. I had felt it  move pretty early so when the moving stopped I just assumed that maybe I was wrong before and I was too early.  For almost 2 weeks i would lay in bed trying to feel the baby move and praying for it. I told jerry my concern and we set up an appt to confirm everything was good. The night before me appt I was 100% positive that I had felt that baby move two times. I was pretty happy when I went in to the dr the next day. They did an in house ultra sound that showed my baby with its head flopped down. I was thinking " Man I am glad I felt the baby move last night bc it looks dead..." The dr looked around for awhile and told me her suspicions and that we needed a second opinion with a better ultrasound. I called jerry and he met me for the next appt. The second one confirmed the worst. Our baby had somehow died. I remember driving home alone and jerry following me. I was listen to the Christian radio station and a worship song came on. I just cried out to God and worshiped him for who he is. I even remember thinking about how I was still worshiping God in the painful time and I was so thankful for my walk with God. I could not imagine going through this with out Him. The dr said we could wait to give birth on my own or they could induce, or they could even go in and just do something like an abortion where they break up the baby and get it out. The last option was not one so we decided to just let nature do its things. That night we decided to go to the movies to get our mind off things. While there we saw some old friends of Jerrys and I remember using jerry as a shield so they would not see my pregnant belly. I didn't not want to answer any questions about when I was due because there was none.  

I decided then that I could not go another week of waiting and we called the dr the next day to set up an induction. 

I am so thankful for my dr. Dr Trabue and his daughter are amazing. They prayed with us when we first found out the news and were emotional supports for us the whole time. 

The birth was one of those things that is hard to explain and unless you have gone though it, you can't really understand. Because my body was not ready to give birth I had to be given a pill that would get things going. We had to do about 3 different rounds of that ( waiting about 4 hrs between each round) At the last one I still had not dilated. I was soooo ready to be done and ready to move on with my healing. I prayed for it to be done and had a very painful contraction. I had two more and jerry asked if I need an epidural but I did not want one. I just wanted it over. Within 14 mins from the last round of meds I thought I felt the baby down there. We called the nurse and I delivered my still born baby. Jerry chose not to see it but I did for a moment and we found it it would have been another daughter. I am so thankful I decided to see our baby. We decided to name her my middle name Rena, which means Joy.  One of the harder things was leaving the hospital without a baby in my arms and my body doing everything a new mother's body does to feed her baby. Having no child to nurse was very sad. 

My friend Robyn Joseph offered to set up meals for me. I told her no bc I was not up at night with a new born. She was adamant about it and I am so glad she was. It was such a blessing to just rest and heal. I am so thankful for her and her decision to push forward with that blessing. 

We found out it was a blood clot in-between the uterus and placenta. 

The aggravating thing is about 3 weeks before that I was showing signs of thick blood and was put on baby aspirin. I went to a specialist and he did lots of testing and said everything looked fine. He was ok with me stopping the aspirin and she had died a week after that. 

It was a couple of weeks later that my 10 year high school reunion was happening but bc of this I didn't get to make it. I am so happy I get to go to this 20 year one at the end of July and no Debbie downer story. 

My story was the start of a very challenging two years for our family. I am so thankful for a God that hears my cries. I am so thankful that the verse Phil 4:7 is true and in a situation where I should have been mad at the circumstances, I had peace and I chose to praise my God though it all. I am so thankful that my body healed and I went on to have three more babies ( another heavenly baby and two earthly babies) 

Just like me MS story, this also has opened the door for ministry to other moms. I feel their pain and know how to pray for them. I am so thankful for that. I would rather have all my babies here with me but I would not trade the growth that I have had through it all. It has made me a better person. 

This here is a poem I wrote 7 months after her birth. 

A moment of Joy

Know for a short time
but I still loved you the same.

Gone in a moment and
we didn't  have a name.

Baby number four the
timing would be just right.

My belly getting rounder
the clothes getting to tight.

My sister and I pregnant at
the same time.

Both a baby girl that we
could each say " she's mine"

One month, two, three
and than four.

We did not realize there
would be just one more.

A tiny heart beat,
a small little flutter,

than one day it stopped
there would be no other.

Going to the doctor thinking
I had felt her move that night.

Thanking God the whole time
that it was going to be alright.

Doing the ultrasound and
finding no movement.

Getting more test done
to try and disprove it.

How could this happen
did we do something wrong.

Leaving the Dr. in shock
but still praising God with a song.

My husband and I crying
we do not understand,

but knowing that God is
with us and has us by the hand.

The peace of God was evident
everywhere in our home.

Family and friends with us so we
do not have to go through this alone.

Going one morning to deliver
the baby.

Praying to my Savior that
he would protect me.

I will always remember the
birth in a very special way.

We had her on June 2
and named her Rena.

charlene turney
jan. 4,2006
had her 2005
her name means joy
you say her name with a long a.