I knew I was about to be on TV.

This morning I am at the YMCA with my best friend and I see a woman walk in that looks familiar. I think to myself " I bet she is a news lady and I am going to be interviewed" I laugh at this thought and then carried on with my work out. 

Mary and I moved on to the weights and I head over to the leg press. My twin and I talked about it yesterday and she can leg press something like 350lbs. 

I wanted a go at this limit. 

I walk over and the thought again comes and I was like, man this is where I am going to be interviewed. I don't know why I thought it but I just knew. 

I know I can't do the same weight at Melinda ( who rocks) so I set it at 50lbs. It was to easy. I move it to 90 lb. Easy as pie ....yummy, but we can't talk of pie...I have goals to reach....I then move the weights up to 150lbs... That was somewhat of a struggle and so I mentally pulled my back injury card and told myself I need to be gentle and not push it even though it did move.....some. I set the weights down to 120 and found the perfect place. I was getting my jam on and around the corner the news lady pokes her head and says she is with News 2 and would I be ok with some pictures of myself going on tv. I said sure I was ok with that, and then they said " it might just be your legs, we don't need to get any faces." I said ok but let me back up some for this part of the story. 

This summer when we went to Washington state I ate some pineapple and had an allergic reaction. This then triggered some type of eczema or psoriasis on my arms and legs and has since given my tons of problems. I am very self conscious about the redness on my legs and look forward to colder months because of pants and the cooler weather bc the heat makes it hurt more. Because it is a new thing I am still working out how I want to approach it and right now I am using how I eat to prayfully help and heal from the inside out. 

This morning I change out of my exercise pants because it had a small tear in the seam and I made the choice to put on shorts. I had pants to put on but I thought maybe if I can get victory over this being self conscious thing maybe it can help someone else have victory too. 

I chose shorts 

I go to gym. 

I get interviewed and they only want video of my legs. 

"Lord, that is funny. I am not feeling the victory yet, I am just choosing to walk it out and now they will be possibly all over News 2 in the next month." 

They ask for permission to do full video and ask me my thoughts on storing my phone inside my sports bra while exercising. I told them I don't because I have heard it can cause Breast cancer. So that is on camera also. The camera guy ends it with video of how much weights I have used and I had moved it down to 90lbs at this point. I later told him that if I had known he was going to get the amount I would have moved it up to 200lbs.  Hehehe. 

When they asked to interview me I said ok but that I was a hot mess. She said we can give you a few mins if you would like. I told her it would not help. 

Here is my selfie from working out. 

I get very red. 

My lesson I am learning is everyone has something to hide. For many of us it is a physical mark or how we feel about our bodies. For others it can be a past regret they want to hide and even others it could be a heart issue or sin they want to hide. It could be a dirty room or the way you yell at your kids or spouse. So many things get hidden and if we all just agreed to bring things to the light then it makes it less scary or shameful. 

So if you seeing me being brave and wearing shorts or a shorter dress maybe it will help you be comfortable to bring your hidden things to the light. Share it with me and we can have victory together! 

My friend Mary and Melinda both said to be thankful that I have two strong legs to walk on. So I am blessed. I am happy. I am still self conscious but grateful for the ability to move. 

Mothers in all countries.

This Labor Day weekend has been packed full. We had a four day weekend and used every inch of it for play time. 

Friday night we did our mock camping. 

We were supposed to head out of town for an actual camping trip and when that got canceled we decided to go ahead and camp in our own space. It was wonderful. We did s'mores over our little fire pit and listen to the crickets ( and helipcotors, firetrucks, and police cars) throughout the night. We woke up with the sun and played in the yard even before going inside for breakfast. I would love for every morning to start with outside play! 

That afternoon we went hiking and exploring and Edward Waren Park. 

In between some bickering and complaining everyone had a good time. 

We went to mckays after that before heading home. 

Sunday Jerry and I got to go to some friend's home and pray over their new home. We got to pray with them and over them for God to bless their new season. 

Monday we got to go swimming with our sweet Finnish friends. They are here in America for one year and we met last school year ( March 2015) when our daughters where in kindergarten together. The kids had lots of fun. We haven't been swimming that much this summer so they were glad to sneak in another swim before cold weather gets here. We ended the night with one last tent sleeping and s'mores. 

Today miss Ava had a play date with a new friend and I got to hangout with the mom. We all had a wonderful time and then ended the day with more friends coming over for dinner. 

Throughout my weekend I got to hang out with 4 different moms. Including myself,we were from different walks of life, different age groups, and even different countries. Some were new Christians, older Christians, and figuring out what that means-christians. We all looked different and sounded different but despite all the differences we were the same. We are moms. God has giving us all the awesome responsibility to care for children. We want to be all the God has called us to be and we want to be all that our kids need us to be. We want to have a clean home and clean kids. We want to provide good meals for our family  and a peaceful place for our husband to come home to. We want to shower without someone knocking on the door for the immediate answer of "Can I have some goldfish?" 

Haha. I just had to throw that last one in there bc it is so true. 

The thing that so brightly stood out this weekend are that cultures can be scary and they can be unknown. Words can go misunderstood because of a language barrier and it seems easier to just skip over that conversation or better yet that person because it is to hard to talk to each other. Beliefs and standards are different based on where someone grew up and this cause us to embrace those differences or to avoid them all together. It is easier to avoid. 

It is easier to stay in our own group, with our own language, with our own belief group. 

God does not want us to stay. 

He wants us to talk to that mom who looks different then you. He wants you to make a play date with that mom who's speaks another language, it may be hard...but it may not be. You are both learning, so be kind about it. They are ok with you saying you don't understand what they said. 

All moms need other moms to be friends with. 

ALL MOMS need to know they are not alone. 

They need to know that their child throwing food on the floor is not the end of the world (or the food for that matter if you go by the 10 second rule ) 

Being a mother is such a gift from God.  Whether we are a mother through adoption or birth our hearts are the same. It is one full of overwhelming love for our child and that looks the same in our countries. 

Make friends with a mom who looks different then you and you will find you have a lot more in common then you might have first thought. 

It is finished.

How many times do we get to say it is finished? Or do we usually say I quit or I am moving on, it isn't for me...

I have many unfinished projects around the house and ideas that never get put into action. I have thoughts and sentences that never get finished and dinner plates half eaten. I have papers sorted but have yet to be filed and laundry yet to be put away. I even have raised garden beds already purchased but still waiting to be put together. There is also a pile of fabric to be sewn and canvas to be painted. 

I believe we get so busy that even though we start out with good intentions we end up having to drop something because we are over booked. 

I am super great at starting lots of things but I don't usually get to see the finished product. Some of  this is just life and others are because of time management on my part. 

The thing I actually did finish is simple but it means so much to me. 

I LOVE everything about new journals, pens, and office supplies in general. The problem with that is i have a handful of half used journals....all of them amazing. 

I have one for my personal bible time and another one for my church bible time. 

Of course I would, I love journals. 

This summer while traveling I took only one of those with me and when we got back in town I misplaced the other one. 

I decided to go all crazy and just finish out the one journal. *gasp* 

With school starting back up I have been getting up early and daily writing in my journal. I have prayers in it, scriptures in it, ideas for skits written out, and just plain old doodling in it. Yesterday I fully finished out the journal. I used 100% of the pages. Front to back is filled to the brim and I love it! I am proud of my self for finishing strong. 

It is along the lines of setting a small goal like my exercising 7 times this month. I wanted to finish out this book and I did. 

I happily have many other journals to choose from and finishes those out ( one of them being my new Spider-Man journal) 

Today I started a new -old- journal. There will be many prayers in there and possibly some skits that might one day get used. The bigger picture with this is that I finished something. The bigger picture is what goes in the journals. The bigger picture is the lessons learned and lessons taught from these notes. 

It may just be a journal but it is something that years from now my kids and grandkids will be able to pick up to read and truly see the heart of who I was. 

It is ok to take time

Like millions of other people, jerry and I live very busy lives. We have multiple responsibilities that take us all over the place. It is a normal day for me to go from one title to the next. I am a mom, wife, sister, child, leader, minister, teacher, photographer, house cleaner, chef, and business partner with jerry for cornhole and Advocare. 

I think as moms it is easy for us to get lost in the titles we hold. They sometimes block our view of what is important. It doesn't mean the titles are bad, it just means that we have to -on purpose- set them aside and keep our vision focused. It may look different for some moms depending on what you believe and how you live your life but it doesn't change the  fact that without focus our "vision" gets blurred and we stumble. 

I have not yet fully mastered this habit in the summer when alarm clocks do not wake but during the school year I choose to wake up just a little earlier then needed to put God first. 

You have probably heard this before so hang with me if you have but imagine a bucket where you have to fit a few large rocks, sand, water, and small pebbles into the bucket. If you add all water first then anything else that you add will simply make a mess. If you add sand first and fill it up you won't be able to add but maybe a few pebbles and a small amount of water. When you do it with the right balance you can add it all in. You can add the important things first, for me it's God then family. Then you can add it the small pebbles, things like sports or even servicing somewhere like your kids school or church. Next you add in the sand, things that are just simple- no important things ( I won't even out examples bc it can be so different for each family) The last is the water, when you keep your priorities in order it all works out. If you are having a hard time knowing which is the big rocks and which is the water then ask friends that your trust, pray about what to keep and what to drop. God is always faithful in helping me see what is the big things in life. 

I have also found that because I give so much of my self to those other titles that I easily lose the one I started out with. 

ME.  

I have so many things I love to do. When I don't get to have me time I can feel the stress build up. I can feel the bitterness creeping in. I can feel the depression settling like a fog. At first I don't know what it is, I see my bad attitude. I am aware of it at times but don't always see the cause of it. Now that I am getting a bit older I am more skilled to see when things start to shimmy its way out of order. If I don't put God first then things splash out of the "bucket" making a mess. 

I also have to take time to do what I love or I become I mess. My down time is just that...downtime. 

God did not give each of us these fun giftings and desires to just have in the back of our mind behind all the titles we hold. He gave you those things that bring you joy to do just that...bring you joy. The shocking thing is this - it will bring others joy as well. 

Happy people are beautiful. 

Tonight after the kids dinner of....wait for it....

Cinnamon toast ( see Instagram post) 

I came to my room and colored. I love art and I love poetry. That is a gifting of mine and it brings me joy. I can guarantee that my family will also have joy as I have ME time. 

I may still be tired tomorrow but I am refreshed. I chose God first thing this morning.  I chose family today and after school. I am choose me this evening and all order is in place. 

Is the order of what goes in your "bucket" a work in progress or do you already have it with a pretty good system? I would love to hear how you help balance out your titles to keep your vision focused. 

A page from my journal

I post this because I don't think I am alone. I love where I am and where my family is on their walk with God. But I don't want to stay the same. This is my prayer for my family as we change...as we grow. 

August 16, 2015 

#1 goal in my life - a continual growing relationship with Jesus. 

I want to be full of joy, grace, kindness, wisdom, and knowledge for the things of God. 

I want my children and people who see me/know me - to know that I love Jesus. I want Godly advice to come from my mouth when I speak. I want wrong responses to be at a minimum and my loving responses to be at a high. 

I want my wants to be more then a want. I need it to be the cry of my heart. I need it to be my prayer, to be my walk, my life. I need actions to go with this prayer. 

Lord, I pray that in times of frustration that I choose joy. I pray that I have a Godly balance to things that need grace but not so much that I allow myself to get ran over by eyeryone's good intentions. 

I pray that I do not speak empty words. I pray that my words have power to hold up the hurting and broken. I pray that I choose kindness over speaking angry. This may require me to take my eyes off of the offense and choose to see/find something good. Help me to do that Lord. 

I pray that I take/make the time to talk with you daily. I pray that I read your word daily. I pray that my kids see this example. You have chosen me to be their first example of Christ on earth. You chose Jerry and myself to be their first teachers. Help us to teach them the things that matter. Help us to start in the areas we may have missed. Help us to teach kindness by being kind. Help us to teach joy by having joy. Help us to teach patience by having it ourselves. Help us Lord to show love by responding in love in all areas, to all people. 

Lord, I want so many things right now, today, immediately. Help me to see the small victories as well as the big ones. Help me to rejoice in them. Help me to also learn from the failures and use it as a stepping stone to keep moving forward and upward. 

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for loving and protecting my family. Thank you for providing. Thank you for sending your son and for calling us your child. Help me to do your will - always 

Amen.  

Another week bites the dust...tips on how to survive

Can we get a shout out to this lovely day of the week? 

Hey there Friday! It is so good to see you! 

The kids have survived their first week back to school and we have big plans for our first weekend. Rest and relax! 

I imagined my time this week to be filled with lunch dates, cleaning house, and quietness. Instead it has been filled with cutting fabric, marking line, sewing, and finishing filling over 100 cornhole bags. It has been filled with painting a large order of boards for the computer company Intel and more for another company. 

I am one very tired mama and the kids are very tired as well. My two littlest ones are mama babies and friday are particularly hard after a full week of being gone. 

When Caden was in Kindergarten I noticed that by the end of the week he was full out in brat mode. He deserved a spanking but what he needed was quality time with his parents. 

Now that Ava is in school and she also thrives on that quality time with her parents it is vital that we make time for them. 

Keeping an eye on our kids behavior and knowing what their little love language is can be life changing in the response to all areas of their lives. 

Here are a few tips I have learned over the years to help adjust to any new season. 

1: when we are needed to wake up early I always wake them up about 30 mins before the needed wake up time. For example, my elementary kids need to be to school at 8 and since we live close to the school they can wake up at 7. I then choose to wake them up around 6:30/6:40 so they have that free time to slowly stretch and get out of bed. I have found this to be helpful my myself and for them every. single. morning. They are not the best morning people and that extra time helps meltdown be at a minimum. 

2: we have one set place only for school clothes. There is one spot to place the dirty ones and another to grab the clean ones. This way there is not the rush of searching for that perfect outfit. 

3: figure out your child's love language immediately. If you have no clue then think about ways that they like to bless you. Do they want to sit with you while watching a movie, or hold your hand while walking? Do they stop wha they are doing to give you a hug? Do they make you birthday cards or get well soon cards? Maybe they tell you your hair looks nice, or that you did amazing on that song. How ever they show love to you may be the way they need to be told they are loved. Once you figure this out pour it on them All the time. 5 minutes here and there make a huge difference. Make every moment count. 

This week I have been emotionally spent. To be honest I don't want anyone talking to me or needed anything from me but that is not life. I am a mother to five amazing children who need me every day. So instead of hiding and rest by my self I chose to hug them at every possible chance. I told them I loved them and missed them this week. I watched a movie with Kori because we are watching through all the Harry Potter movies, we are on the 2nd one. I asked them all about their day and I listened.  Was that painful? Kind of. Was it worth it? In the long run, absolutely! 

This week is in the books and tomorrow is no school. As we say 5 days on two days off. Tomorrow we enjoy our two days off by going to spend the day cooking out with their grandfather for his Birthday. 

Did your children start school and did your week go as planned? Do you know your kids love language and what ways to you plan to fill those little hearts this weekend? 

Daddy and Caden twins and Caden getting some loving. 

Waking up is hard to do. 

The battle between homeschooling and other options.

My oldest daughter is now 17 and in the 11th grade at a public school. She didn't start out in the public system though, I home schooled her until the 3rd grade. My son even had the "privilege" of having me as a teacher his kindergarten year.

I was supposed to home school them, I am a Christian, it is what we do right? 

I never even prayed about if I should do it. I just did. 

I ordered all the kits that others suggested. I wrote out a lesson plan to follow and even had a cute little school room. 

But I never asked God if he wanted me to home school. 

Everyone was doing it because everyone I knew were Christians....and that is what we do...we home school. 

There was a problem though. 

I hated teaching kids to read. 

I hated the books we used, the lesson plans I wrote and was daily so angry at my kids that we avoided teaching so I didn't hate them too. 

I not once seeked advice about what to do. 

I did not register them into an umbrella school and for 4 years carried around so much guilt of all I was doing wrong. 

I never prayed for grace to get through each year much less each day. 

I don't really know if it was or wasn't God's will for me to home school them during those years because I didn't ask. It might have been but because I never truly asked for help i was choosing to do it in my own strength. 

I imagine it to be like a toddler learning to tie their shoes. The parent is standing right there waiting to help the little one but the toddler keeps trying and trying, all the while getting so upset because it isn't working out right. When In fact, all the toddler would have to do is ask for help. 

When we finally decided to put the kids in school we chose public schools.  Gabi had already finished 3rd grade but we chose to have her do 3rd again to have a sort of free year and catch up on things I didn't teacher her (like.. everything) 

I said I am never homeschooling again.

I loved the idea of it. I loved the purpose behind it. For us it was about giving our kids a good foundation to start off on before they hit the real world. 

I still 100% love and support everything about it but it was not for me. 

A couple of years ago I felt like I was supposed to again home school one of my kids. 

I said "heck no God, we have talked about this. I am never homeschooling again, remember?" 

For about 3 months I prayed about it and even my husband said no way. Not going to happen. 

This time we did pray and we did seek advice. 

I had my third child home, being her teacher for 3 months and then I could not believe it....I knew I was supposed to put her back in public school. 

I felt like I would look like a failure. I felt like a failure.  

Now here I am 8 years out from my first homeschooling experience and 2.5 years out from my second. I have learned some things. 

1.always prayer about decisions and then continue praying for guidance, grace, joy, and creative ideas to make it fun. 

2. Not all Christians are supposed to home school. 

-if all the Christians were home schooled then there would be no Christians in the public school systems telling others about Jesus. Gabi has told so many people about Jesus and how He loves them right now where they are. She is leading bible studies and always inviting friends to church with her. 

3. Just because God says yes to homeschooling this year doesn't mean that is His -one time- answer. 

-with homeschooling Kori for only 3 months I couldn't figure out why until about a year later. She craves structure and thrives in it for school work. That is not something I can naturally give. 

She did however need mom and daughter time. Her toddler years of life was filled with me giving birth to the one baby at 5 months, being diagnosed with MS 7 mths later, getting in a car wreck a few months after that, getting in another car wreck one month after that ( neither one my fault), and then losing Caden's twin a couple of weeks after that. Her entire toddler span was filled with attack after attack on our family. There was no real bonding time. It was only survival time. 

The three months of teaching her were amazing. She did awesome. I did awesome and went from saying I would never do it again to being open to what ever the Lord had for us. 

Putting her back in after the 3 months (only one semester of teaching) was very hard. I now see that if I would have ignored that and kept her out longer, we would have hit a path that would have put us right back to where we started. 

She need to mom time and then she needed to get back in the structure of school again. 

Homeschooling her for that short amount of time gave her a full three months with no other big kids here to interrupt her time. Out relationship is so much better for it. 

Homeschooling is hard and hats off to those mamas who chose to do. There will be days that you want to call it quits and you may even cringe at the thought of school starting again for one more year.

But, if you have heard from God that this is what you are supposed to do then there will always be grace for this path He has set you on. 

Picture it as God's grace is like oil for an engine. With it everything runs smoothly, without it the engine can only run for so long before it shuts down. 

Tomorrow my 5 babies have their first full day of school and right now I am happy where we are but open to any changes the Lord may have and that is a pretty good place to be. 

My two high schoolers. 

My middle schooler. 

The elementary babies. 

What ever path you choose, own it. Don't be ashamed of your path if it is different then those around you, it may be different because you are paving the road for those coming behind you.