I, on purpose, bought a new journal to capture my thoughts in during this next season. I know the Lord will teach me things and I don't want to forget one minute of it. I want to be able to go back and see how I was feeling during this time. I have asked a few people about their own surgery but as time does best, it fades the memories. I don't want them to fade. This will be a really good season because God will be smack dab in the middle.
I am writing some of my journal notes in here. They will be choppy, they may not make sense, but this is me.
journal entry #1
Today marks 2 weeks until my back surgery.
*I am excited that it is almost time.
*I am nervous that the time is almost here.
*I wonder - did I miss out on God's super natural healing for me because I went ahead with the surgery-
*I wonder if this is God's healing for me and that through this other lives will be blessed.
*I have no fear of things going wrong.
*I am concerned I will feel this major need to get up too soon and help.
*I have thoughts (not concerns or even fears...just thoughts) that if I were to be paralyzed that this is my last chance to walk.....so I enjoy every single step like it is my last.
*I have thought that if i were to die this would be my last 2 weeks with my family....so i always make every moment count.
*I am not going to be paralyzed or die but the enemy likes to throws us a bone to see if we grab it and chew. I see the thought (the bone) and I move on, this is life. This is having victory. Losing is when we grab the bone the enemy threw and we make a full meal out of it.
*I love my bed now but I imagine I will be more then ready to leave it when the time comes.
*I have lost about 7 pounds the last few months from all my walking. I DO NOT want to gain it back while in slow motion life.
*I am excited to see how God will show up in this time. I know he has heard my prayers for super natural healing and bc it didn't happen like I wanted, I know he has got a great plan. I am thrilled to be in the middle of it.