Friday, January 13, 2017

Lessons from a 40 year old mom

Lessons from a 40 yr old mom

Today, Jan 13, is my birthday. I don't know if it is the age or just the spot I am in with life, but I am really happy and content in who I am now. I have learned so many things along the way and wrote down just a few today. 
  1. Be nice to everyone. It is not for them, it is for you. You feel better when you are kind and feeling better benefits your health is a positive way. 
  2. Always serve those around you. I promise you, if your heart is in the right place of simply being a help you will never walk away from a situation and think "boy, that sure sucked to serve and be helpful" 
  3. Snot and boogies wash out....poop...not so much. 
  4. The golden rule is 100% a must. *Treat others as you want to be treated*. If you want to be treated like crap it is simply because you are reacting from a broken place and deep down you want to be treated with kindness, love, and respect. 
  5. No person who is living a Godly life now and wasn't when they got married would ever say " I am so glad I had sex before marriage." I would venture out to say that most of them would agree ( if they waited) that waiting for the one God has for them and being pure for their marriage night was a million times worth it. 
  6. Always get to a party a moment before and stay after if possible and help set up and tear down. The host may say no but stay and be available to help when needed. 
  7. Never go to church or your quite time with God without having a notebook and pen. Without one you are setting your self up to not hear from Him. Go into his presence expecting to hear him and be ready to write it down. He likes to talk. We don't like to listen. 
  8. Having lots of kids is more fun. It does get easier. I promise. 
  9. Always, always, always ask God for help and creative ideas for any and all situations. He comes through every single time. 
  10. Forgive. Yes, even that one person, who more than anyone else, in your entire life, doesn't deserve it. 
  11. Dream and dream big and then take steps to reach those dreams. 
  12. You will get angry at those precious angels you gave birth to or whoever calls you mom. React slowly. 
  13. If your child is running in the parking lot and about to be hit by a car, it is 100% ok to grab her ponytail and yank. Do not feel guilty about it. You just saved her life. 
  14. File those infants soft finger nails. If you cut you will almost always, at least once, make them bleed. It is ok. They won't die....cry yes, die-no. 
  15. If you are married and starting to feel hate or dislike, or even a lack of love for your spouse, ask God to turn your heart toward your spouse. Talk to God and pray "thank you for ____ help me to forgive, love, etc. Heal this area of my heart or this area of our marriage and then DAILY tell God how much you love your spouse. DAILY thank  God for any and all the things your spouse does. If you have zero things you are happy about ask God to show you something.  Believe me, this works. God is for marriages and has a million ideas of things you can thank Him for concerning your spouse. Simply ask him to show you. 
  16. Do not accept a life of aches and pain and bad health. God has designed everyone's body to heal from sickness. He did not forget to include your body in that. A car runs with proper fueling and your body does too. You are worth taking the time to research what your body needs to work the way it was designed. 
  17. God is real and His Son, Jesus, is the only way to heaven. If you have trouble understanding that and believing it I encourage you to not take my word for it, ask God himself.  Don't get to the end of your life and find out your belief was wrong, that consequence is too much to take, Hell is not a joke or pretend horror movie. 
  18. God is bigger than the permanent. He is bigger than the permanent diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, he is bigger than the permanent diagnosis of a hereditary blood clotting disorder, God is bigger than the permanent _________ You fill in the blank with your permanent problem. God is always and will always be bigger than what ever you are facing. Your FACT is never bigger than God's TRUTH.
  19. If you give a mom of young kids a gift card to get some sort of massage or manicure, it better come with the offer to babysit. Many gifts cards get wasted on moms who never get to use them bc who the heck is going to watch that sweet baby that they need a break from? Don't say dad, he is at work. 
  20. Words have power. This is true for all religions, it is not just a weird christian  "speak it and believe it" thing. There are tons of books out there that talk about the power of positive talk. I tell my kids, speak what you want to happen, not what is happening. Ex: kid -"I suck at baseball or math....etc." Me- " do you want to suck at baseball?" Kid-"no" Me- " than talk to God, tell him you think you are terrible at this and want to get better then start thanking him on getting better, Thank you Lord for helping me get better at____."
  21. Someone feeling strongly about their convictions does not mean it has to be yours. The Bible is the only guide line you need to walk a straight line. 
  22. No one enters into marriage wanting to get a divorce so work at it. Don't give up. Marriage and raising kids is the hardest job and relationships you will ever have. God is bigger than your crappy marriage and even your disobedient kids. If you are in an abusive marriage, seek help immediately. If you enter into a marriage knowing you will want a divorce before it even starts or you are just in it for the money, seek help immediately, ask for guidance and prayer.  If you feel your  kids are the cause to you losing your mind, seek help immediately. 
  23. You are not alone. There is not a single thing on this earth that you have thought, done, had done to you, or thinking about doing, that has not already been done before. You are not alone. I promise you. 
  24. Baby steps in the right direction is better than sitting on your butt moving in no direction. #steponetochange
  25. Be obedient in the small things like coming to a complete stop at stop signs or putting your shopping cart up in the proper area helps you practice being obedient in the bigger areas of life that really matter.   
  26. Stop fighting about the toilet seat not being put down when he is done, he has to lift it up every time, so you having to put it down each time is no different.  
  27. Using a kitchen timer and setting it for 10 or 15 mins to clean a room before the timer goes off will save your life, your sanity, and being on a episode of Hoarders. 
  28. If you think you have food in your teeth you probably do, never assume you don't.
  29. Being fat does not make a person ugly, being skinny does not make a person pretty. A kind and genuine heart makes a person beautiful.
  30. Not being healed immediately can also be part of God's plan. Having surgery for something does not admit failure or lack of faith, sometimes it takes more faith to go through that then to just be healed. 
  31. Don't tell someone "Wow, you look so skinny" It is neither a compliment or insult it is just a statement and hard to respond to.
  32. When someone has lost a loved one and you have no idea what to say....say that..."I  have no idea what to say but i am here for you" It means the world. 
  33. When someone loses a baby (pregnancy), do not say any of the above-" Well at least you have other kids or at least you are young enough to try again or at least you are still alive or at least you were not further along. Losing a pregnancy, no matter how it panned out, is hard and those statements are stupid and do not, ever, in any situation, help the person getting over the hurt. 
  34. Learn to cook, it will bless you and those around you for years and years to come.
  35. Open your home to others and show them what a real, Jesus loving, we have messes, we fight and make up, goofy family looks like. It may be the only one they have ever seen. 
  36. Tell your family how much you love them and let them know you are proud of them. Imagine a marathon, You are in the race and at certain markers you have water stands to refresh you on this long, hard race. Your kids, your spouse, your boss, you....are all in a race of life and it is exhausting and we need people who can stand along the side lines to provide refreshment to our souls. Let your home and your words be the certain markers for refreshment. Do not dare be the one tearing down your family members with your words because they are a terrible student, they always forget something, they are clumsy...You pray for them and ask God for creative ways to speak to their gentle hearts to learn something new. 
  37. Breast feeding is best. Bottle feeding is best. Your baby being healthy and fed is best. It is more important to give your child what works for you and your family then to try and fit into the - perfect -breast is best- peer pressure.
  38. Do not depend on humans to fulfill you, we are all full of crap and will fail you at every corner you turn. We are human and you are designed to fully need God and can only be fulfilled by God. Even if we do every. single. thing. right. it will still be wrong. Remember those kid toys that had square, circle, diamond, and triangle shapes in the top and the toddle had to match up the toy with the right shape to fit it. Remember the frustration the toddle had because as much as they tried, that circle would not, could not, fit into that triangle hole. We do that with our lives, we rely on people to make us happy and we work really hard on trying to fit it into our lives. But, that filling of discontent is meant to only be filled by God and no other shape can fill it. 
  39. Dry shampoo is awesome, shaving legs is not. 
  40. A vehicle will not run if it is not filled up. You can not function if you are not filled up. Getting in God's word and his presence is 100% for you and not God. If you read your bible and pray every day God loves you so much and if you are miss hoochie mama over there and doing drugs and using the Lord's name in vain with every other word, God loves you so much. Your actions will never change that. Reading God's word is for our benefit, When the enemy wants to attack us, we will be ready for battle when we read the Word. It is a double edge sword. When the enemy attacks and we aren't reading the Word, we crumble at the first punch, we have no weapons to fight with.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Raising kids to win in life.

Here in Tn it is in the 20's today and this southern Alabama girl does not like the cold. So when my son asked to go play in the snow dusting before church I responding with a quick no.
There was very little push back as I walked away thinking "why in the world would anyone want to play in that?" He showed me his toy he wanted to use in the "snow" and I thought about it. I don't wont to get in the cold but he doesn't care, so why am I raising him based on my likes and dislikes.
I know my kids will go outside in thin pj pants and a light jacket and I am freezing just looking at them. Each year we argue about the perfect amount of clothes to wear to make playing outside even worth it....in my mind.
I recently read that as parents we should let our kids make the decision to wear the full on winter clothes or the t-shirt and shorts. We, as their parents just need to make sure they have the warm options available to them. Once a child gets past the baby stage they are usually able to regulate their body temperatures and when they are cold they will fix it and get out of the cold or dress appropriately . I decided since we are going to the late service at church that he had plenty of time to play, freeze his butt off if he so chooses, come inside and warm up, and even change and get ready in time for church. I gave him suggestions on what to wear and helped pull it out of the closets where he chose his final attire. I was very pleased with his choice.


What I am learning is that not everything has to be a struggle, things that I like or don't like are just that ...mine.

As their parents I :

raise them in the best way I know how

I daily ask God for wisdom on what He wants me to do with these sweet babies

* I answer after I have thought it through and not off an emotion.

I am willing to change my mind and apologize to them if needed.

I treat these little people with respect because how else will they learn to treat others that way if not shown at home..

*I trust that God is God and that he cares about my crew more than I do and he speaks to their hearts in a much deeper way than I ever could.

*I pray that they hear God speaking to their hearts.

Being a parent is the most______

-fill in the blank.....it is the most of every single emotion and job you have ever had.
Life is all about battles, you pick and choose what you want to teach your kids and sometimes it feels like a battle in the teaching process.
Today this was hardly a battle because I feel like we both won and really isn't that the goal, for us to be the leaders of our kids but they still feel like they have victories and have a say in what goes on in their life.


The battle of cookies for breakfast.

I LOVE sweets, I mean I LOVE eating it is just sweets seem to be the biggest food group that I like. I also love feeling good and having clear skin and no joint pain. So the biggest question I battle is which do I love more. To be honest sweets seem to sneak their way into my life and by the end of a weekend I realized I went crazy on the eating and I feel like crap. I am trying to find a balance and I thought that eating clean during the week and having the weekend as my splurge would work but it is not. For me and so many people sugar causes inflammation and being that I am 9mths past major back surgery inflammation is something I want to stay far, far away from. We had two Christmas parties this weekend and I did great compared to the me in the past but I still am learning that I have to change things to feel better. This morning as I walk past my kitchen I see cookies that I promise you were calling my name. Yesterday I had an oatmeal cookie for breakfast and so why not have another kind today??
I walked away and thought about is that cookie worth bed rest and a face that breaks out....no, it is not.
I made a good decision today and praying I can do this all day and find a balance that works for me.
I cant follow what anyone else is doing because God made us unique and that means there is a base line of wisdom we all need for health but the tiny details come into play with each person and their needs.
So for now I won the battle of cookies for breakfast or eggs. I did not choose cookies. I may need to remove the cookies all together because the battle gets harder the longer they stare at me.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Poem: Race unknown - heart the same.

*Race  unknown - heart the same*

Stories on the news causing thoughts to swim in my head.
Another life is gone and it's he said she said

It's this war of the race with no way to win
Each fighting for a cause unsure of how it will end.

The color of my skin should not change the words in your mind
It shouldn't make you clutch your purse or to treat me unkind.

My skin is no different then the crayons in a box
It is simply one color but it screams louder then my walk.

I am judged for a path that I did not create
and I am born into a time still drowning in hate.

I want to make a difference but I am confused on where to stand
Can I show love and forgiveness while still supporting my neighboring man?

The issue is not with authority or any type of race.
The issues is with man's heart and the hurt it has faced.

Every death that goes down another brick gets put in place.
I now have a wall so high leaving very little space...

Space to forgive and space to heal,
Space in my heart so I can continue to feel.

I want to celebrate this life with my fellow man and
no matter the race walk with them hand in hand.

-written by Charlene Turney. August 31,2016

Monday, November 28, 2016

Time has changed me

I have been giving one body, one mind, and one heart. It is worth the argument to say that I am stuck with this person, it is who I am and who I will always be. I used to say that I am not organized, that I am sporadic, and can't stick to a schedule. While this is hugely true about my natural tendency and my personality it does not mean I have to be stuck in that if I don't want to. I wanted to change. I wanted the comfort of knowing that Thursday is laundry day and Monday is -go through the mail-day. I wanted to know that at 9 I go to the gym and work out. I didn't like getting a phone call that my water would be turned off because I haven't paid the bill in a month, or having no clean laundry because it has been forever since clothes have been washed or put away. I didn't like feeling sore and weak over simple activities because I had no muscles.
Year after year I would sit down and set a schedule only to fall short after 2 weeks. I became the Queen of the 2 week plan.
I planned out days for going through bills. I planned out days for cleaning clothes and cleaning bathrooms. I planned out days for working out at the gym, at home, outside, and even with a friend. I have tied and tired and always failed. It would be safe to ask my self..why keep trying?
Because.
Because I am worth it.
I know that God has giving me the ability to grow in who I am. I wanted to grow and never gave up.
This year I am so far past the 2 week mark of sticking to something that I am patting my self on the back for this small victory. I have prayed for years for things and even when i failed again and again I kept at it. I knew God was faithfully and it would happen, I just didn't know when.
I am still on a path of growth...shouldn't we all be? But I am encouraged because I see tiny changes. Every Thursday I have all the laundry washed now and the kids put theirs away. Every Monday ( mostly) I go through bills and file away papers.
I am still working on the regular gym time but My husband and I do walk every Wednesday and Friday now. This is huge for me.

What things have you told yourself won't or can't  change? Do you get angry like your father and just assume -like father like son?
Do you spend all your money on clothes and shoes just like your mom?
Do you stay so strict to your schedule that you never have spontaneous fun?
Or do you live so spontaneous that your life feels chaotic and you are never on time, always forget dates, and can't plan ahead for your future?

The point is...that may be how you naturally bend in your personality but it doesn't mean you are stuck.
You are in control of your actions....no matter how out of control you may feel at times. You have the ability to grow into a better you. It may take time, it may even take years but never give up on YOU.
Take a day and write out dreams you have had. If you can't figure out how in the world to reach those dreams, let me know, let someone you know that can help you and pray with you. Having accountability with your thoughts and ideas is the best place to start.
You can do this. Even if you have to take it so slow that the rest of 2016 is thinking about your dreams, planning out your dreams, and talking about your dreams so that you are able to hit the ground running in 2017 than that is A-OK. You work at your pace but just keep moving. Remember a baby step forward is better than no step and sitting on your butt.
I am giving myself and my family a new me.

Friday, November 11, 2016

Walking the fence of this election.

You may have strong emotions about this whole election thing or you might care less. You may be wondering " What election?" If that is the case though, I would say you have been hiding in a cave. The election has stirred deep emotions in almost every human on this planet and not a single one of those will change a thing now. The stories that I am hearing of whites being horrible to blacks is mind boggling. I can't even imagine hating another person or race like that. I do know though that Trump becoming president did not cause that. The cruelty and evil that is being displayed was already in the hearts of those individuals way before Trump even decided to run for president and probably even before Obama was in office.
I admit, I am a privilege white lady living in the privilege country of America but guess what? Every single one of you who live in the USA are also privileged men and women. I don't get involved in politics and even fasted Facebook the month before the election so I am sure I missed some important information but I am confused as to where this over whelming fear is coming from with Africn Americans. Excuse me, but when did you forget that God is in control? The moment Trump won? It seems to me that the enemy of this world has us exactly where he wants us.....angry, bitter, hurt, scared, and fighting against one another.

 If you as a white person hate blacks then I suggest you move  to a place where they do not live. Oh ya, that's right, you can't because God loves them and continues to create amazing people of all cultures and colors and we are ALL equal. If he thought whites were the jam then there has been plenty of generations to wipe out any race but that is not happening and will never happen. God did not make a mistake when he created blacks. He didn't mess up when he created Asians or any other race. He perfectly created each and every person, no matter their skin color. If you only see mean black people then you need to expand your sphere of people you hang out with bc one or two or 100 mean black people do not determind an entire race.

If you are black and have fear then I suggest you cry out to God or find someone who will cry out for you if you have no relationship with Jesus. I then suggest you ask them how to get a relationship with Jesus and do it quickly. It is the only way you will get peace in your life. If the only white people  you are in contact with are spitting curse words at you please don't give up on the whole white race. There are some good ones out there.

Trump winning the election may be a shock to you but it isn't to God. He allowed it to happen just like he has allowed Obama to be in that seat and the leaders before him. If you know that bible story of King Nebuchadnezzar you know that he was not a great leader. He killed men because of different opinions and forced everyone to serve a god he chose. Daniel was an average man who prayed to God in all situations and he was raised up and made a difference. He didn't rebel in angry, he didn't lash out in hate, and he didn't hide in fear. He prayed for his people and for his leader and God used him.

You want to change who the president is....pray for the heart of Trump to be changed and you will find that at the end of this four years you will have a different president. Pray for righteous people  to be placed around him just like Daniel became the King's right hand man.  God has a plan so don't you dare ignore it because you fear, your hate, your rejection you feel towards all your so called friends who voted  different than you, gets in the way of what God wants to do though you.
Be the color of  your skin to the best ability you can be by showing love, kindness, and most importantly forgiveness.


Friday, October 28, 2016

Why do I have to do it every. single. day???

The other day I brought a pot of dirt inside the house. It had been outside for months and I wanted to plant my basil in it to keep inside. The problem is that the dirt was bone dry. I set it in my sink and soaked it with water and let it drain. I did this at least 4 or 5 times so that it would get all the dirt wet. I wanted the basil roots to really flourish once I planted them.
I grabbed a spoon and started to dig in the dirt to get it moved some for the plant. I was surprised to find that it still had so much dry dirt in it. I had soaked it sooo much and yet, it still had major areas of dryness.
It was only when I dug deep and up rooted the dry dirt, bringing it to the surface, and than soaked it, was it able to fully get wet. I had to dig, soak, dig, soak, dig, and soak to fully saturated the soil.

As I was doing this I thought of how this is such a good analogy to so many Christians walk with God. We go to church on sunday. We get soaked. We come home, go about our week, and never water ourselves. We go to church again on sunday and we get soaked in God's presence with scripture and worship. We come home and live another week with a lack of victory in our lives. We do this week after week. We feel that this soaking on sunday was enough to get to all our dry places but just like this pot of dirt, we have to dig deep and uproot all the areas of our life to get it full saturated. We have to dig, soak, dig, soak, dig, and soak to have long lasting change.

If you hear a great msg and want change and you go home and make changes and than wonder why it doesn't seem to stick....you may have some dry places in your heart that are killing these newly planted roots.

 How do I practically soak those dry places you ask?

I am so glad you did.  Find someone who can walk with you, who can ask the questions about how you are doing. Read your bible daily and then talk with someone about what you are learning. Pray daily. You dont have to be weird, you can talk to God throughout your day as if he is your best friend sitting right next to you. Worship God. Make choices to listen to music that is uplifting.

To get this pot of dirt fully saturated it took me many times of watering.
Do not think that one time at church or a conference, or revival is enough.
Do not think that one week of daily bible reading is enough.
It is an amazing start but imagine if I got the dirt fully soaked, planted my basil, and than never watered it again.
The basil would dry up.

We need to stay watered, stay in God's word, stay in his presence, and dig up those dry places in our heart so that we can heal and live a life of victory.