Tuesday, June 2, 2015

My first heavenly child....

Today marks 10 years ago that I gave birth to my first heavenly baby. My first three pregnancy went perfect. The full 9 months was great and the births were awesome. This one started off the same. I didn't really have any sickness and energy was to be as expected with three little ones already running around. I had felt it  move pretty early so when the moving stopped I just assumed that maybe I was wrong before and I was too early.  For almost 2 weeks i would lay in bed trying to feel the baby move and praying for it. I told jerry my concern and we set up an appt to confirm everything was good. The night before me appt I was 100% positive that I had felt that baby move two times. I was pretty happy when I went in to the dr the next day. They did an in house ultra sound that showed my baby with its head flopped down. I was thinking " Man I am glad I felt the baby move last night bc it looks dead..." The dr looked around for awhile and told me her suspicions and that we needed a second opinion with a better ultrasound. I called jerry and he met me for the next appt. The second one confirmed the worst. Our baby had somehow died. I remember driving home alone and jerry following me. I was listen to the Christian radio station and a worship song came on. I just cried out to God and worshiped him for who he is. I even remember thinking about how I was still worshiping God in the painful time and I was so thankful for my walk with God. I could not imagine going through this with out Him. The dr said we could wait to give birth on my own or they could induce, or they could even go in and just do something like an abortion where they break up the baby and get it out. The last option was not one so we decided to just let nature do its things. That night we decided to go to the movies to get our mind off things. While there we saw some old friends of Jerrys and I remember using jerry as a shield so they would not see my pregnant belly. I didn't not want to answer any questions about when I was due because there was none.  
I decided then that I could not go another week of waiting and we called the dr the next day to set up an induction. 
I am so thankful for my dr. Dr Trabue and his daughter are amazing. They prayed with us when we first found out the news and were emotional supports for us the whole time. 
The birth was one of those things that is hard to explain and unless you have gone though it, you can't really understand. Because my body was not ready to give birth I had to be given a pill that would get things going. We had to do about 3 different rounds of that ( waiting about 4 hrs between each round) At the last one I still had not dilated. I was soooo ready to be done and ready to move on with my healing. I prayed for it to be done and had a very painful contraction. I had two more and jerry asked if I need an epidural but I did not want one. I just wanted it over. Within 14 mins from the last round of meds I thought I felt the baby down there. We called the nurse and I delivered my still born baby. Jerry chose not to see it but I did for a moment and we found it it would have been another daughter. I am so thankful I decided to see our baby. We decided to name her my middle name Rena, which means Joy.  One of the harder things was leaving the hospital without a baby in my arms and my body doing everything a new mother's body does to feed her baby. Having no child to nurse was very sad. 
My friend Robyn Joseph offered to set up meals for me. I told her no bc I was not up at night with a new born. She was adamant about it and I am so glad she was. It was such a blessing to just rest and heal. I am so thankful for her and her decision to push forward with that blessing. 
We found out it was a blood clot in-between the uterus and placenta. 
The aggravating thing is about 3 weeks before that I was showing signs of thick blood and was put on baby aspirin. I went to a specialist and he did lots of testing and said everything looked fine. He was ok with me stopping the aspirin and she had died a week after that. 

It was a couple of weeks later that my 10 year high school reunion was happening but bc of this I didn't get to make it. I am so happy I get to go to this 20 year one at the end of July and no Debbie downer story. 
My story was the start of a very challenging two years for our family. I am so thankful for a God that hears my cries. I am so thankful that the verse Phil 4:7 is true and in a situation where I should have been mad at the circumstances, I had peace and I chose to praise my God though it all. I am so thankful that my body healed and I went on to have three more babies ( another heavenly baby and two earthly babies) 
Just like me MS story, this also has opened the door for ministry to other moms. I feel their pain and know how to pray for them. I am so thankful for that. I would rather have all my babies here with me but I would not trade the growth that I have had through it all. It has made me a better person. 
This here is a poem I wrote 7 months after her birth. 

A moment of Joy


Know for a short time
but I still loved you the same.

Gone in a moment and
we didn't  have a name.

Baby number four the
timing would be just right.

My belly getting rounder
the clothes getting to tight.

My sister and I pregnant at
the same time.

Both a baby girl that we
could each say " she's mine"

One month, two, three
and than four.

We did not realize there
would be just one more.

A tiny heart beat,
a small little flutter,

than one day it stopped
there would be no other.

Going to the doctor thinking
I had felt her move that night.

Thanking God the whole time
that it was going to be alright.

Doing the ultrasound and
finding no movement.

Getting more test done
to try and disprove it.

How could this happen
did we do something wrong.

Leaving the Dr. in shock
but still praising God with a song.

My husband and I crying
we do not understand,

but knowing that God is
with us and has us by the hand.

The peace of God was evident
everywhere in our home.

Family and friends with us so we
do not have to go through this alone.

Going one morning to deliver
the baby.

Praying to my Savior that
he would protect me.

I will always remember the
birth in a very special way.

We had her on June 2
and named her Rena.

charlene turney
jan. 4,2006
had her 2005
her name means joy
you say her name with a long a.