I woke up with a SUPER Power that no one wanted, the ability to see everything that needed to be done.....all.....at....once. I saw my garden that needs tweaking, bills to be paid, laundry to wash, fold and put away, shelves to hang, walls to paint, people to call, food to prep, bible to read, children to teach, weight to be lost, money to make, porch and rooms to clean, and even an art room to de-clutter. Seeing this meant Jerry was in for a heap of trouble because I need his help to do some of it. My heart was full of discontent and frustration over us not getting it done. I was already mad at jerry for not reading my mind and having it done before this point. I was aware of the crappy mood and there lies my thankfulness. Seeing my stinking attitude meant I could hit it head on. I had to do some serious prayer and I,on purpose thanked God for things in my home. I, on purpose, thanked God for my husband and for his awesomeness. I have learned years ago that focusing on the bad will only make it worse. It NEVER fails, a bad attitude can go away if we choose to focus on things we are thankful for.
Years ago I was out of town with Jerry and our two kids, at the time, for our anniversary. I was at the hotel all day waiting for him to get back so we could spend the evening together. He was exhausted after a full day of working at the factory ( electrical engineer at Saturn) and he went to sleep soon after getting back. I was so hurt and angry. I literally felt heat coming from my ears. I was in the sitting area feeding Caleb, who was about 8 months old, and I was just "praying" about my rude husband. I felt like the Lord told me to be thankful. I said I have nothing to be thankful for. He impressed on my heart again to just be thankful. I was like "ok, I am thankful for ........( many moments passed by as I had nothing ) his...legs. He has nice legs and a nice butt" That was it. That is the only thing I could say to God. The amazing thing is that is all He needed. So many times when God wants obedience and we want to give him perfection. He does not want that, he just wants to see your heart and that you are willing to give your best, how ever crappy that is. Once I obeyed and said the only two things I could see past my anger then God stepped in. My heart broke and I cried. I automatically saw all the amazing things my husband does for his family. I cried because I was so thankful for him and so ashamed of my selfishness.
The point to that is you can give your best even if your best is a bowl full of crap and God will meet you there.
Today that is what I did, I gave God my best, which was a ungrateful, I want it done now, attitude and exchanged it for, Thank you for our house, thank you for our kids and their toys. This took awhile and I had to pair it with worship music but it worked. I still see all the things I want done and I still want it done now but it is not causing the anxiousness I felt before hand. I was able to clean my room I was able to dust and clean the kitchen and I was able to slow down and catch lighting bugs with two of my kids.
I am thankful that I have a choice. I get to choose if I stay in my funk or I can make choices that help me get out. This is a great lesson because somehow today an explosion of blankets happened in Caden's room this afternoon ( It was clean yesterday ) and I found this while writing the blog and pausing to go tuck him in.
I am not even sure what happened. I choose to be thankful that he has a room and obviously plenty of blankets. I am thankful that he is safe at home with me. Tomorrow we will tackle that. Today he sleeps on a folded blanket.