Thursday, June 4, 2015

Do you have a voice?

I will start off with the thankful part. I am so thankful for my voice. Now I can't sing worth a lick so it has nothing to do with that and it has nothing to do with actual words that come out of my mouth, it is more about my actions and my words, together, being my voice. 
I talk a lot and anyone who knows me will agree that I can carry and sometimes lead and take over a conversation but even with those "skills" it still doesn't mean someone has a voice. 
Part of my personality is being non-conformational, I do not like strife and will avoid an argument like the plague. This is a big problem when in a situation where the other personalities are bold, pushy, and loud. 
As I grow and mature more as an adult I am slowly finding my voice. As I grow in my walk with God I am finding my voice. 
I believe at any age we can lose and find our voice. A child can be abused and lose their voice and replace it with a lock of fear. An adult can be threatened or stalked or verbally beaten down and their voice is snatched away. It may sometimes be an actual decision to not speak with our words or our actions because it is not worth the fight or we may not feel we are "worth" the fight. 
For me I was not abused, I grew up in an awesome home with loving parents. For me it was more about keeping the peace in all situations, not cause friction and because of that I did not practice using my voice and there for lost it. I did not have it when it came to boys, I did not have it when it came to drugs. I went with what the bigger personalities wanted  because I was not wanting to be odd or left out. I did not have a voice when it came to my own inner struggles with walking a pure life. I could hear my self screaming to change paths but was stuck in a cycle. I could not pull my self out and did not have the skills to break free. As cliche as it may sound, it was not until I had a personal relationship with Jesus that those chains broke, until that path had a new lane that I could see. 
I knew God but that is not what I am talking about either, it is a whatever you want, change me, lead me, and make me new, walk with Jesus. 
I now have a voice, it is a small one and like a rock thrown in a pool of water, sometimes it makes a big ripple and other times it falls flat. I am so thankful that I am changing and growing each day to be better, to be kinder, to be louder with my voice, to sometimes be the leader of a pack who makes right decisions. 

This is a poem I wrote years ago. It fits well with this post I believe. 

Value Found 

Two simple letters that made up a word I could not say.

Yes, was just easier- No- seemed to get stuck, there was just no.....way.

No way to express that this was not what I wanted to do.

A way to express..................
to begin I had no clue.

To say no to the boy who kissed and touched on the 1st date.

Outside I went with it but inside was screaming JUST WAIT

To say no to the boy who used me as a trophy and for sex.

I knew this, yet stayed when he would cheat and go on to who's next.

Sick with regret and my inability to stand tall.

Always stuck in a situation with my back against a wall.

How did I get here with this incapableness to speak.

Was it lessons never learned, the divorce, or was I just weak?

Brought up with morals so I knew the rules.

Yet, I seemed to be always blown by the wind, always acting a fool.

Years later in life I have realized the cause.

It was my eyes-------they were broken and that made me pause.

l was seeing no value, like my words do not count.

I was like an old shirt you get paint on or trash you throw out.

I was seeing ME through my eyes and I saw a lack of worth.

I did not yet know that I was a child of God, through a new birth.

When you know the value of a jewel or a famous piece of art,

you would cherish it, keep it safe, and hold it near your heart. eyes were broken so I traded them in.

I now use the Lords Word and I see value with in.

By charlene turney
oct 3 2008

Do you have a voice that is lost or stolen or do you have one that is there but it is quite and you want it to be bold and loud?